What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 00:00
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Who then, do I blame.?
(And it was in our own minds.)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
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My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
When she asked me how she looked .
I was 9 years of age.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
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And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I will be 64.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Would this be the day?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
What is your age now, and what age do you prefer to stay at forever?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She married twice! .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
If babies could write, what questions would they ask on Quora?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
This is soul school!.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Is it recommended to leave a note in a lost wallet asking for it to be returned?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She loved him until the end.
All the time i was locked up.
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Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I have no regrets .
My life is so biszare .
Why is it easy to make money in the USA?
It was going to be , some day.
He knew the spot.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Im still living with it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
As i do to all so called friends.?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My family never makes their pension either.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But ive been too sick for many years..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
So, i spoilt her more .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Why did i forgive my father ?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was scared of men, in general
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She found it foreign!.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Ive learnt so much.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She wouldn,t have been !
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
What did i know ?
I was very sick at this time too.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Especially a lifetime of it.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Comes on , in middle age.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And i lived it daily.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I don,t even have a pension.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But it wasn’t much.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I write beautiful poetry .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
So whats the point in blame.
We all went to grammer schools
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She was in good health!
I was seconnd youngest,
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We were not on the streets..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I waited trembling.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
One cannot live in the past .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I said to her
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But, we were locked up after school.
Was to survive, this bastard.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I think the readers, may guess!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Put me off passion for life!!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.